Hidden Pain
by Surreptitious Chi X
Summary: After the Rescue the Kazekage Arc. A mission lands Baki in the hospital, but with no external injuries to show for the pain. He doesn't want to inform his students. Kankuro comes anyway.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** This happens after Gaara becomes Kazekage, and also after he loses Shukaku and is brought back to life. Therefore, also after the touching series of events in which Baki finds Kankuro and stays by Kankuro's hospital bed.

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**Hidden Pain  
**

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**Chapter 1**

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The emergency room waiting area had bare adobe walls and featureless metal chairs, unadorned walls, and was steeped in the scent of the powder that came off of latex gloves. Baki hated it. He gave his name to the female med nin behind the registration desk. She made a note of it in her log and told him to sit down. He sat down around half a dozen other people and tried not to think.

The village outside the small window was dark.

Baki was definitely nervous about more than one thing. Sure, his stomach pain was unlike anything he'd felt before. But there was also the fact that he wanted to be in and out quickly. A: He wanted relief. B: He was terrified of being found out.

But there was also a cluster of less defined things. What if the med nin didn't believe him? What if it was nothing? What if it was something? What if his team leader had been right not to excuse him from work?

His team leader's decision to make him suck it up was why he was now in the emergency room waiting area in the middle of the night.

And of course he hadn't gone over to Kankuro's house to tell him or anyone else that he was feeling this way. How could he? It was three in the morning. He'd only wake them up for nothing.

Because it was nothing.

A nothing inside of his stomach that had him privately tensed up with agony, but it was still nothing.

He wished he had just told Kankuro and everyone else. But what was he supposed to do? Wake them up? That didn't make any sense. He was a 33 year old jonin who didn't need to be bothering his former students. They were expected to get up early in the morning, every morning, and would be for the rest of their lives, now that Gaara was the Kazekage. How could he justify waking them up at three in the morning?

And Kankuro had admitted before that most of the time, he didn't drop off until midnight. How was he supposed to wake up Kankuro with three hours of sleep? That would be heartless.

Baki was stuck waiting for three hours with the same six people before he saw one of them - an older lady in a blue print dress - get admitted into the actual emergency ward.

He felt terrible. Both for wasting his time - apparently the emergency room was for someone exsanguinating within minutes and not for stomach pains - and for waiting and worrying alone. What if it took so long that he missed the lunch that he'd already promised to have with Kankuro today?

Then Kankuro would find out where he was...Baki didn't even want to know what would happen then. He felt like crying. But grown up shinobi didn't cry, and men didn't cry either. Suna culture was clear on both counts. And it sucked.

Baki massaged his eyes with one hand and tried to wait calmly.

After another hour, a nervous med nin with a vocal tic called his name.

Baki stood up. His legs immediately shook.

He was suddenly not eager to see what was on the other side of the big white door behind the med nin.

Feeling ill under the med nin's stare, Baki followed the expectant woman into the ward, into a room separated from the hallway only by a curtain, and was left there to change into a gown and lie down on the hospital bed.

Five minutes after he reluctantly lay down, another med nin came in and took his vital signs, promised that the jonin med nin would be on his way, and then left.

It was half an hour later when the man finally showed up. The jonin explained in clipped, rapid fire words that it was probably something Baki ate, or it was in the water - contamination had been reported in the area where Baki lived - or that it was a stomach virus going around, since a dozen other shinobi had come into the ER in the last two days asking for relief.

That didn't comfort Baki in the least.

"I'm going to give you something for your pain," the jonin med nin said, and then he swiftly poked an IV into Baki's arm and injected something.

Something unexplained that made Baki taste metal in his mouth.

Two seconds later, his vision was actually skipping like a broken film reel, and he was overcome with a sense of vertigo.

He couldn't deny his stomach didn't hurt, though. And his vision going haywire was an effective - if disturbing - distraction.

His vision settled down after a minute and then dimmed. Baki belatedly realized that was because he was closing his eyes.

Finally, the fact that he felt cold caught up to him, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

The med nin left to check on other patients, leaving him with a chuunin, and Baki lay in an uncomfortable, unfamiliar bed wondering why he'd come to the emergency room at all.

The jonin med nin hadn't done anything, after all. Just administered pain medication.

_I am in so much trouble,_ Baki thought randomly.

He hadn't so much as thought the thought when a familiar chakra approached in the hallway. A familiar and very disturbed chakra.

Baki cringed with dread. _How did he find out?_

Kankuro opened the door and stepped in without preamble. "Baki?"

Baki looked right at Kankuro, panicked, looked at the IV stuck in his arm, and then at the chuunin standing on the other side of his bed.

She looked up and gave Kankuro a professional smile. She'd been monitoring the medical equipment hooked up to Baki's vital signs. "Yes, this is Baki-san." She bowed to him. "Kankuro-dono, please come in. I am Miuri, the med nin in charge of monitoring Baki-san this shift. I get off at six, and will be replaced by Tsuchi-san. He is also a very good med nin."

Baki looked at the ceiling, feeling utterly exposed and horrified.

He couldn't think of a single thing to say. And the chuunin was saying everything anyway.

He guessed he couldn't feel betrayed about that. Kankuro was the brother of the Kazekage.

The chuunin indicated the clipboard hanging at the end of Baki's bed. "Baki-san was admitted for stomach pains oh...about an hour ago."

Kankuro was instantly by Baki's bedside, deathly pale and mostly expressionless-his reaction to all things medical. "Are you okay?" he asked. "I was worried when I couldn't find you. I thought I was just being paranoid when I checked the ER . . ."

Baki's lips felt cold and numb. He looked up at Kankuro, realized what he'd put Kankuro through - still, in spite of all his intentions - and was completely terrified. "I - W-Why did you come here? I thought - You shouldn't even be up yet. I tried..." Tears leaked out and slowly ran down his cheeks. He really was doped up. "I wanted to be out of here by now. I didn't know it would take so long. I just wanted help."

"We got you in as soon as we could," the chuunin said. "There was a glut of patients because it is the weekend."

Baki ignored that, annoyed at her defensiveness.

Kankuro dropped into the chair by the bed and took Baki's hand, squeezing it. "Hey . . . hey . . ." He was trashed to see Baki crying. "It's okay." He wasn't sure why Baki was so scared. "I came because Gaara had an emergency mission come in-S rank. He wanted you on it, but you weren't home. So I came in search of you." He watched him closely. "You don't have to apologize." Not that he had, precisely; he just sounded like he thought he should. "Are you okay? Can I stay?"

Baki clung to Kankuro's hand. He cried at the whole situation. At Kankuro's worry, at being scared, at not knowing why his stomach had hurt, at not being able to convince his team leader that his stomach had hurt _enough_. At being needed by the people he loved - Kankuro, Gaara - and not being available.

He nodded and forced himself to speak. "Please stay. I don't want to be alone in here. I want to go home." Being totally drugged was acting like a truth serum. He hated that. He'd never been pumped full of medication this strong before.

"They didn't tell me why I hurt."

"You shouldn't hurt anymore," the chuunin said, looking at him doubtfully. "What Samuji-san gave you should be enough to knock out any pain."

"I don't hurt now," Baki said irritably. "I hurt then and I still don't know why I hurt at all."

"The CAT scan technician will get here at eight," the chuunin said. "We'll continue to control your pain, and we'll get you a CAT scan as soon as possible." She was obviously disturbed by his state of mind.

If he hadn't been totally knocked flat on his back by this chain of events, he would have put her through a wall.

Baki looked to Kankuro. "Please don't go. Please say you can stay..."

"CAT scan?" Kankuro asked numbly. His horror was so great he had to try to pretend like he hadn't even heard the words.

"Samuji-san's opinion is that Baki has food poisoning or a stomach virus," the chuunin said. "He wants to rule out anything going on in the abdominal cavity that would contradict this, so he has ordered a CAT scan. I am sure his initial diagnosis is correct. Samuji-san is a good med nin. He's been a jonin for many years."

She added critically, "The fact that none of your symptoms includes vomiting shows that this condition isn't serious. Both food poisoning and a stomach virus would cause vomiting and fever. You have neither."

"Then why am I high on pain meds?" Baki mumbled.

"You rated your pain an 8 or higher," the chuunin said simply.

Kankuro ignored her and turned back to Baki. "Of course I'll stay." He wasn't going anywhere now. "And just so you know . . . you didn't have to come alone. I would have come in with you from the start."

"I'm sorry," Baki said miserably. He felt like the chuunin was picking on him, and if Kankuro had been here from the start, he know he wouldn't have been so scared. "You were sleeping. I came here at three. You would have just gone to sleep. I couldn't wake you up. That would be selfish. And I really thought I could come in and out. I thought they'd just tell me what was wrong and send me home with some advice."

"A CAT scan technician will-"

Baki glared at the chuunin. "I know."

Kankuro slanted a look at her; he just wanted her to leave.

"I see why you did that," Kankuro admitted. "But like I said, I would've come. Just so you know."

"It would have been too much trouble," Baki mumbled. "You would have been sleepy...I just...My team leader didn't seem to think it was anything to be worried about." He wanted to talk to Kankuro about that, and he couldn't feel comfortable with the chuunin here. He gave her a plaintive look. "Can't you just leave me alone? Kankuro's here now. We'll press the button if we need anything. Just go away."

Not his usual tact, but that was Samuji-san's fault for pumping him full of whatever the hell this was.

The chuunin bowed stiffly. "Buzz if you need anything." She left.

"Thank God," Baki complained. "What a stupid bitch. I can't stand people like her."

Kankuro grimaced. "Yeah . . ." He frowned at Baki. "Your team leader?"

Baki thought back to what was now yesterday afternoon. He felt a fresh wave of misery. "I was falling behind. My team leader asked why. I told him: stomach pains. He called it indigestion and gave me some antacid tablets to take, then told me to keep up."

He shook his head. "I just...In front of everybody. He said it wasn't anything. And I was still in pain, and he snapped at me: What do you expect me to do? Stop in the next village we get to and leave you in the ER? We don't have time for that!" Baki sighed.

"What a jerk," Kankuro said, irritated.

Baki could feel the bubble of pain in his chest that meant more tears were on the way. "I said no, I just...I just wanted him to do something. And he said: I can't do anything. Get back to work. You're just overreacting. If you want to go to the ER, fine, but I'll count it as AWOL and tell the Kazekage why you stayed behind instead of coming back to the village with us."

Baki squeezed Kankuro's hand. "I was angry...I said some things I shouldn't have...and he said: Fine! I'll leave you behind! Is that what you want? So I went. I couldn't be left behind...I was terrified. How could I handle being in a foreign village alone, thinking there might be something to my stomach pain?"

He forced himself to take a deep breath. "And it went away...over about an hour. But then it came back. And I couldn't sleep. And I came here. And they just - they just -" He started crying again. "I just want some help."

Kankuro had experienced similar injustices before, so he felt a great deal of sympathy for Baki. "I understand that," he said gently. He pressed the back of Baki's hand to his cheek.

Baki let out a shuddering sigh and felt some of his tension slip away. "You don't blame me?"

"No," Kankuro said. "Of course not. Not at all." He was surprised at the question.

Baki relaxed, and could finally appreciate that his stomach didn't hurt right now. "I was always the least popular person on my team. Now it's the same, I think. I hoped for the better, since I'm older and more experienced, but it still didn't go well." He felt like he was rambling, but he couldn't help himself. "I think they hate me now. They probably feel poorly of me because I did this this morning - or yesterday now. Or whatever."

Normally, he didn't put much thought into his popularity. He was somewhat surprised that in his drugged-up state, he apparently cared a lot.

"I just want to make friends. You know? But I guess no one's ever going to be like you. Or Gaara," he added mostly for Gaara's sake. "But no one like you. No one who actually wants to know me. Everyone just...hates me. It's always been this way."

He was horrified to be blurting out this old pain. "Sensei was nice enough, but the other students? Hmph. They hated me, and it was all so obvious in light of the way Sensei tried to protect me from them. I wasn't popular, and I wasn't right. I couldn't do things right. I always shied away from them. I would do the activities with them, but no one wanted to be my sparring partner, and it was always really uncomfortable, and Sensei took pity on me by making me the demonstrator with him to do the exercises, so I didn't have to be paired with anyone else, because people complained."

It was all tumbling out too fast to stop. "The other students complained when they were paired with me. And sometimes I'd actually have fun, but that would be ruined by the students suddenly getting fed up with me, or complaining about the way I smiled, or that I didn't want to talk with them, or something. They were always saying something wasn't right about me. I didn't want to hang out with them because I was concentrating. You know? That's normal. I took it seriously. How can you not take self-defense seriously?"

Baki suddenly realized that he wasn't letting Kankuro get a word in edge-wise and felt guilty. "I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I'm just being...It must be the medication. I'm just a talk-box right now."

The IV in his arm was a little uncomfortable, and so was the hospital gown. It made him feel vulnerable. Like he wasn't protected enough.

"That's fine," Kankuro said, listening attentively and disturbed by how Baki had suffered.

"I just - I just wanted to be saved. I wanted to be noticed," Baki said impulsively. "For every teacher there was like Sensei, there was a teacher that wasn't impressed with me, didn't care. I got called a genius without personality once. The teacher liked kids with personality, not the ones who did their work quietly."

God, it hurt so much to remember. "At the Academy, it was always: stand out and get noticed. Stand out and get special treatment, get awards, get help, get people to notice you and put you on the fast track, the right teams, the right clubs, the right opportunities. I was too shy for any of that. I wanted to go to the dojo at Sensei's, not stay after school at shuriken club or whatever the hell they offered. Clubs for wall walking, clubs for practicing taijutsu, clubs for practicing disguise work, or even clubs for anime and manga appreciation. I didn't want them. I just wanted to be home, at Sensei's dojo..." He sighed. "I didn't want to go places and do things. That was threatening. I didn't want to be exposed. I didn't want to be..." He wondered what he was talking about.

"I was bullied sometimes, but not often," Baki said. "That's not it. That's not why I was afraid. I didn't get bullied often at all."

Kankuro nodded. "I was bullied all year one year, but that wasn't enough to make me not want to be there. I already didn't want to be there."

Baki squeezed his hand. "I'm sorry..."

He wished his brain didn't feel so hazy.

He found himself wondering about his current situation. Why had he assumed it would be a bad idea to wake Kankuro up? This was clearly where Kankuro preferred to be. Kankuro had come anyway, in spite of him. "I got hurt and I didn't tell anybody." Baki thought about it. "I guess that's the way it is. I never tell anybody. I don't think they care. I tried to reach out this time, but my team leader called me an asshole and sent me back to work."

He sighed. "I guess I gave up after that again."

"Why don't you think they care?" Kankuro asked. "I mean, besides the jonin asshole yesterday."

Baki chewed his lip. "I don't know. They don't care. That's just the way it is." He went back and forth in his mind. "I can't always tell them. But I shouldn't have to tell them. I look hurt. I did look hurt, didn't I? I was bloody on my knees. I had a hurt showing. They didn't send me home. My teachers didn't say anything...the med nin at school..." He shook his head, frowning. "I don't know. I just...don't get attention. I just melt away, somehow. Sometimes no one notices me. I just go on."

He said suddenly, "I came home from the neighbor's house being hurt and nobody noticed me. I went inside and nobody cared. My mother asked how I got hurt. I didn't know. I didn't remember. I just did. I did get hurt. And she said, 'Well, don't play in the neighbor's yard again. You're not supposed to be there'. How was I supposed to know?"

"You weren't supposed to know," Kankuro said, having a similar wound himself.

"I don't understand," Baki said, sighing. "I don't understand why no one did anything. I was hurt, wasn't I? But no one seems to think there is anything they can do. So why ask them, anyway? I don't understand anything about this. I just feel alone." He squeezed Kankuro's hand. "Until you're here."

Kankuro unabashedly kissed Baki's hand. "I . . ." Kankuro had no great wisdom for that. He had wounds about getting help, too. Big ones.

Baki gave him a sad smile. "It's okay. You don't have to answer that."

The chuunin suddenly came back into the room. "The CAT scan technician came in three hours early on another case - an emergency - so he's ready for you now."

Baki was startled. "But -"

"The CAT scan will take fifteen minutes. The technician is coming now." The chuunin left again.

Baki looked to Kankuro. "I guess...that's a good thing?"

"Yes," Kankuro said. Waiting at hospitals was a rank 8 torture.

A young man with blonde hair popped in. "Hi, I'm Michiro, the CAT scan technician." He bowed. "Good morning, Kankuro-dono. I'm just gonna take Baki-san down the hall for a quick CAT scan and get him right back to you."

Baki sat up.

Michiro held up his hands. "No, no, your bed's on wheels. Don't worry about a thing." He crossed the room.

Baki hesitantly lay back down. "I'll see you?" He looked to Kankuro.

"I'll be right here," Kankuro assured him.

Baki relaxed. "Okay. I love you." The addition slipped out.

Kankuro was surprised, but he had no trouble replying. "Love you, too."

Baki smiled at him.

"Away we go," Michiro said cheerfully. He wheeled Baki out, steered the bed down the hall, and into another room. Baki climbed out and spent 15 minutes inside a clunking machine, then came back, via the bed again.

Michiro bowed. "I'll have the results for you in half an hour."

"Thank you?" Baki meant it more as a question than anything else.

Michiro left.

"Half an hour?" Baki mumbled.

The chuunin came back in to hook up Baki's vital signs again and took his blood pressure on top of it.

Baki only relaxed when she left.

"When I get out of here, can I go home with you?" Baki asked plaintively.

"Sure you can," Kankuro said. "It's no problem." He'd just send a quick message off to Gaara, and that should clear the day for both of them.

Baki let out his breath. "Thank you, Kankuro. I really don't want to be alone right now."

Either his head was beginning to clear a little, or he was just getting used to being high. He couldn't tell which. At the very least, he had the illusion of being able to think better.

"I'm afraid," Baki admitted. "I've been afraid since the mission started."

Kankuro chewed that over for a moment. "What do you think made you afraid?" That wasn't exactly Baki's MO, after all. He wouldn't be afraid without cause.

Baki grew reluctant. "The mission." He had the feeling he would be talking about this whether he wanted to or not. His tongue was still loosened by the pain medication too much to stop his momentum. He squeezed Kankuro's hand. "Kankuro...would you hate me if I were a coward? I mean, if I were really not brave? Because..." He fumbled for the words.

"Because I'm scared. I dunno. Something went off in my head, and I just..."

Baki took a deep breath. "Felt dizzy. I mean, I _felt_ shocked. And I don't feel shocked about things. And I just...didn't wanna be there. And I didn't say anything - why would I? - but then...like five, six hours later...my stomach started to hurt. Really badly. These sharp, twisting pains. And I didn't know what to do about it. I mean, I could hardly run. I was slowing down. I was definitely not at my best...but I just...I feel like I ran away. Even though I didn't. Because I said I wanted to leave. I admitted that I wasn't feeling my best."

His chest was tight. He realized he felt nauseous. "I mean, what if..." He was afraid to say it, but on the other hand, the CAT scan was being processed, and he wanted to beat the med nins out if they were going to say it anyway. Baki searched Kankuro's face. "What if it is really psychosomatic? What if it's in my head?"

"It could be," Kankuro said simply. "I've gotten psychosomatic stuff a lot in my life. I was told it was anxiety-related." He shrugged. "I don't think you're a coward. I think you're in pain."

Baki felt tears in his eyes. "But what if I can't control it? Doesn't that make it my fault? Isn't it up to me to make it stop?"

Kankuro shook his head. "It's not your fault. It's the fault of whatever or whoever gave you the anxiety. And I wish we could all just spontaneously make these things stop, but the truth is . . . you have to deal with the source of the fear first."

Baki took a deep breath and drew comfort from Kankuro's words, forcing his panic back down. "I...I wish...I'm scared, and being here just makes it worse. I didn't feel like I could go somewhere else for help, but I feel like no one here helped me either. And if you weren't here, I'd be even more scared." He squeezed Kankuro's hand tightly and closed his eyes. He pressed, but a few tears escaped anyway. Baki had to let them go.

And he felt better once they were out. The frustrating part was always the mockery. Which he didn't get around Kankuro, so it was okay. But he hated to cry around other people.

Kankuro leaned over and hugged him.

Baki hugged him back one-armed, unable to move the one with the IV in it very much.

He found he craved Kankuro's warmth. He still felt cold.

"I wanna go home," he mumbled. "I just want to be home with you. I don't want to be afraid anymore. And I'm not afraid when you're around, and I'm not...exposed. I'm under-clothed. This hospital gown is awful. It doesn't protect me from anything. I want my flak jacket. I want my _pants_."

He realized he was talking in circles, but he figured he was stuck until he could leave.

At that moment, the jonin med nin came back, carrying a clipboard. He flipped through it. Then he glanced at Kankuro and bowed. "Kankuro-dono. My name is Samuji. Ohayo."

"Ohayo," Kankuro said. _Let's hear it and get this over with_.

"Well, do you have the results back?" Baki asked. His voice came out flat.

"Indeed I do," Samuji said. "I see here by the readout that you have no organ damage. You're not constipated. There doesn't appear to be any internal bleeding, any abcesses, no tumors, no hernias, kidney stones, any of that stuff. Your abdominal cavity is clear. You have nothing on the inside that causes the pain as far as physical damage goes." He checked something else. "And I see here the bloodwork came back clean."

Baki didn't even remember blood being taken.

"Your white blood count is a little elevated, which can happen because of stress or infection, but you don't show any signs of bacterial infection, no blood poisoning, food poisoning, anything like that. So it's not contaminated water or food." He gave Baki a small smile. "Likely it's just one of those 24 hour viruses that's been going around. I've prescribed some pain medication for the next three days, and if the pain continues, please see us again. Other than that, you're clear to go." He crossed the room and held out a pen. "I just need your signature on these release forms."

Baki signed.

"Thank you." The med nin took the clipboard and pen back.

"Can I get dressed now?" Baki asked.

"A chuunin will be in to take out the IV and get you prepared," Samuji said. "After that, yes, you may get dressed." He bowed. "Have a nice day." He left.

Baki gave Kankuro a look. "I knew it wouldn't be anything," he muttered.

Kankuro was wondering if it weren't psychosomatic after all. It hardly mattered to him, though, as long as Baki's health was in the clear. "Well, we'll get you out of here as quickly as possible."

Baki nodded, feeling a little sick to his stomach. He imagined being alone in his house and immediately felt his stress skyrocket. "I can spend the day with you, though, right?"

"Sure," Kankuro reassured him.

Baki relaxed. "Alright. Yes. Let's get out of here. I'm sick of this."

A chuunin - a man this time - swept in, removed all the sensors, the IV, and gave Baki a paper bag that had the medication in it, along with some instructions. Then he left.

Baki handed the medication off to Kankuro.

He groaned a little at sitting up. "I'm doped up as hell."

He rubbed his head for a moment, then got dressed, not caring particularly that Kankuro was in the room with him. He'd rather have someone he trusted watching out for him.

The only thing he didn't do was put his helmet back on. He just didn't feel like it.

Baki stood, holding his helmet under one arm. "Okay. Let's go I guess."

Kankuro nodded. He took Baki's elbow and led him out, taking the 'doped up as hell' under advisement. He went straight to the Kazekage Mansion.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

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Baki was relieved when they opened the door to the familiar place and slid the door shut behind them. The rest of the world could go to hell. He could hide here for the rest of his life as far as he was concerned. He slipped off his sandals, glad for the feeling of the wood floor beneath his feet. He gave Kankuro a grateful smile. "Thanks, Kankuro. I really appreciate this. I wouldn't want to be alone right now."

"No problem," Kankuro said with a small smile. "Wanna go lie down? You can borrow a guest bed upstairs."

"Can we just stay on the couch?" Baki realized he was tired, and his eyes ached, but the thought of being in a room by himself being expected to sleep shot panic through him.

"Sure. Wherever you're the most comfortable," Kankuro said. He paused. "I'll literally stay with you, by the way. I mean, if you need to lie down or sleep. I'd stay." He led Baki over to the couch, having already taken off his sandals, too.

Baki sat down on the couch with Kankuro and immediately leaned against him, snuggling. He was limp with relief and unable to describe it in words. "I love you," he mumbled. "I love you so much. You're the best...the best person I have." Tears blurred his vision. He slipped his arms around Kankuro's waist. "I don't wanna hafta be without you."

Kankuro wrapped his arms around him, snuggling him in return. "I love you, too," he murmured. They had been beating around the bush of romance or not for months now. "I don't want to ever be without you, either."

Baki took a deep breath and let the fear ebb away. It stayed at low tide, humming in the background. "I'm just so scared. I'm scared to be on that mission. I didn't want to go once I saw what it was. But I can't not go. I mean, I did what I was told to do." He shivered, seeing the dimly lit interior and smelling the cheap incense. "What do you know about massage parlors?" he blurted.

He flinched, astounded yet again at the effect the pain medication had on him.

"You know, they're not supposed to sell sex in the back, and we have to crack down on them, because that's also where..." He swallowed, feeling a lump in his throat. "Also where...uh...a lot of criminals...go - gather."

He forced himself to take a breath. "We had a lead that a missing nin - Isago, one of ours - might be..." His voice wavered. "In the back. Someone had to go. We had to spread out, there were five or six parlors just in this one village, and we had to hit them all quickly so no one could alert Isago that we were flushing him out..."

He felt flushed and uncomfortable. "And then at the next village we had to do it again...until we found him. Because we knew he was using those places as hideouts..."

Kankuro nodded slowly, listening to the tale.

Baki was thoroughly miserable now. "So we had to flush him out, and no one would have let us in if we looked like shinobi. The people running the parlors are always so suspicious, because they know the government sends people to randomly crack down on them, and we weren't trying to shut the parlors down, only get in the back so we could see if Isago was one of the clients in back, and..."

He hid his face against Kankuro's shoulder. "We had to pretend to be clients. It was an undercover mission. We had to blend in." His teammates had already laughed at his moral protest at the start of the mission, when the team leader had ordered them to make themselves inconspicuous.

"You know I'd have problems with that but it's all about acting," Baki said. Things Kankuro already knew. Of course being undercover was all about acting, and acting was a major skill taught to all ninja, and especially puppet masters. Kankuro also knew that he was about 100% gay.

"So it's not like I couldn't do it..." Baki was still struggling with how to explain his severe discomfort. "And it was easy to talk my way back there. I could handle all the flirting. But I - when I - It was horrible back there. There was no privacy."

Kankuro tilted his head. "So . . . people were just having sex right out in the open?" He wanted to make sure he understood.

Baki almost threw up. "It's like...there were beds, and some of them had curtains - the walls were lined with stalls, like...like places where you would keep horses, one of them looked like that. And there were curtains up, but they didn't really cover anything. So you could see what was going on. And I had to look, because I was looking for a missing nin, I mean, that was the whole reason why I was back there, but yeah, it was all in the open, I mean, it was disgusting. And it was so...so..."

Baki was angry, and hurt, and he wasn't sure he could quantify what was so shockingly horrible about it.

"One of those places just had futons on the floor." Okay, yeah, he was definitely offended by that. But...

He sighed. "I'm not judging their accommodations or anything. That would be foolish. I'm not even worried about the moral outrage of people having sex together when they're not married or have wives waiting for them at home, or whatever. I got accused of a lot of stuff by my teammates when they saw how uncomfortable I was, but that's not it."

Kankuro nodded. He wouldn't bother to get angry about that, either. It wasn't his business. "I would be uncomfortable being around a bunch of open sex," he admitted. He could hardly do anything sexual at all, and he couldn't imagine doing it with anyone else in the house, much less where others could see.

Baki sighed and sat up straighter, nodding. He stared at the coffee table. "It was that I had to be there." He remembered for a moment how it felt. "I had to blend in. I wasn't supposed to stick out. We weren't supposed to tip anyone off that we were shinobi, that we were looking for somebody. We just had to blend in." He hurt all over. "I was supposed to blend in." Those were the only safe words he could think of to describe what had happened.

"Tama..." Baki could hardly get it out. "My team leader, Tama...he wanted a light touch on all of this. He wanted to just...slip in and out without attracting any attention at all."

Kankuro's brow furrowed. "Baki . . .?"

He was getting a bad feeling about this.

Baki felt as if there were an invisible barrier between himself and Kankuro he had to somehow puncture with his words. He wasn't communicating.

But he couldn't put words to the raw images.

Kankuro rubbed his back gently, very worried.

Baki shivered. He closed his eyes for a moment and tried to compose himself. "Yui - Yuichi, the team med nin - he made a joke about Tama ordering us to have free sex. Because Tama gave us money out of a budget for the mission to be able to buy our way in...you know..."

He clenched his jaw. "I just felt sick. I just...I felt sick. I didn't wanna do it. Besides -" Irrelevant protests came to his lips and then died before he said them.

Baki turned and looked at Kankuro's face. "I know shinobi have to do a lot of things. A lot of sometimes terrible things. Bloody things...unjust seeming things...I just never thought I'd have to do _this_!"

"You got forced into sex," Kankuro surmised.

Baki dropped his gaze to the coffee table. His sinuses burned.

"It wasn't even that much," he whispered. "I begged off. I got...I got what I needed. I looked at the place. I threw the money in the prostitute's face and left. I begged moral changes of heart...I insulted the place, the women...I claimed I'd changed my mind. I always paid - I didn't want to start a ruckus - but I left offended people wherever I went. And my stomach started to hurt..."

He rubbed his cheek. "One of them slapped me," he mumbled. "She became very upset. Cursed at me."

Kankuro nodded slowly again. "You did the only thing you could to save yourself."

Baki nodded and wished he could have screamed in his team leader's face. "I couldn't keep them from touching me." And then he was crying again, the admission out. "That would have caused too much attention."

"Ah . . ." Kankuro felt queasy on Baki's behalf. "You feel violated."

Baki hugged Kankuro tightly and rested that way for several moments in silence. "Yes."

Kankuro hugged him closely. "I'm so sorry," he whispered.

"I can't handle it." Baki knew he'd be in terrible trouble, but recounting the story had thoroughly set his panic off. "I can't handle it anymore. I can't be a shinobi. We did all that and we did it for nothing. Isago wasn't there. They'll make me do it again. I know it. They're going to send me out and make me do it all over again. I can't handle it." And then the dam holding back his feelings finally burst. "Why did it have to be that way? Why did he - Why did Tama have to see it that way? Why couldn't he think of something else? Why did I have to do that!"

"I have no idea," Kankuro said grimly. "But no team leader should be able to order someone to have sex. Sex is too private and too personal. I know kunoichi were ordered to do it a lot in ancient times, but we're not barbarians here. That is wrong. Very wrong. Gaara'll be pissed." He looked at Baki. "You don't have to do it again. I'll make sure of it."

Baki raised his head and looked at Kankuro with wide eyes. "You will?" He hadn't expected that response. He hadn't expected that at all.

"Hell yeah!" Kankuro was viciously angry on Baki's behalf. "_No one_ has the right to make you do anything sexual you don't want to. Ever. No matter the reason. Ever. Sex is a private choice between two consenting people. You did not give consent! You were ordered to-" He growled suddenly, pissed. "Oh, hell no. This won't stand."

Baki had the sudden urge to hide behind Kankuro when he had to see Tama again. He couldn't imagine that he wouldn't. "Okay."

He felt an enormous amount of relief, but more than that, he realized he felt the budding of confidence again that he wouldn't be hurt.

"We should go tell Gaara," he suggested. _While my confidence still lasts_. He didn't understand why it came and went, but he wanted to take advantage of his confidence returning.

"Okay," Kankuro said. "Right now, you mean?"

Baki hesitated. "Do you think we shouldn't? Do you think he's busy?"

"He's never too busy to see us," Kankuro said resolutely. He stood, taking Baki's hand.

Baki relaxed enough to smile. "Okay." He took a deep breath. "You're right. He's never too busy for family."

**xXx**

Kankuro marched them straight to Gaara's office.

Gaara looked up as Kankuro barged in, took one look at his brother's face, and knew it was Big Business. "Niisan?"

Kankuro stopped right in front of Gaara's desk, still holding Baki's hand. "We have a serious matter to report."

Gaara was unfazed by the sight of Baki and Kankuro holding hands. "Then report it."

Baki would never conceive of letting go of Kankuro's hand. He needed the physical proof of connection. At Kankuro's blunt entrance, he was squeezing Kankuro's hand firmly.

He wasn't intimidated by Gaara exactly, but his mouth was dry at the fact that Gaara was an authority - The Authority.

He also didn't know how to report without going through the same long, rambling story he'd given Kankuro.

And he didn't want to waste Gaara's time.

Baki stood silently, trying to think of how to condense it down.

Finally, he gave it a shot. "T-Tama...you know, the leader of the jonin team you sent out to find Isago, one of our missing nin...Tama thought we should use...a direct approach."

Kankuro was all but glowering.

Gaara ran over the mission in his mind. "The direct approach?"

Baki stared at the floor. "He said it shouldn't be difficult for a team of handsome men to get themselves admitted into the back of a massage parlor." The corner of his mouth twitched. "Yu...Yuichi thought that was funny."

He raised his head and looked at Gaara. "I didn't."

Baki forced himself to fill in the gap. "It - It wasn't a joke. That was Tama's actual battle tactic." He paused again. "We were to...pretend to be clients ourselves. Down to the details."

Gaara stood abruptly.

Gaara stared.

A distinct frown turned down the corners of his mouth. "He _ordered_ you to have sex?" he asked sharply.

Kankuro was nearly boiling.

"I asked him if it weren't a little archaic," Baki said. By this point, with support from the people he cared about most, he was brave enough to hang Tama with his own words. "And insensitive. He said...Tama...said..." He chewed his lip.

"It was Tama's opinion that while it was not PC to order kunoichi to have sex as part of an infiltration mission these days, surely no one would be offended if 'big, strong men' are 'forced to enjoy themselves' as part of a mission. He was very snide about it."

Sexism Baki was sure that the pridefully straight Tama would fail to see as having a negative impact.

Gaara's eye twitched.

Kankuro's chakra was lit on fire.

For a long moment, Gaara seemed to struggle to find words. Then: "This is not acceptable."

"Fuck no it's not!" Kankuro burst out.

Baki smiled. He knew it was odd, out of place for the situation, but he couldn't help but smile when the people he loved sided with him against an outrageous bully. "Thank you."

Kankuro had to smile in response despite his anger.

"I think my stomach hurt because I feel personally threatened by Tama, and I felt as though I had no control over the situation," Baki said. "He was the team leader, and in the moment, I could not disobey him or I would have died. It's in the code we swear by that treason is immediately punishable if the team leader sees fit. And I was. I was bordering on treason by threatening not to obey my orders, and I could have been killed. I had no way of knowing if Tama would or wouldn't take advantage of his privileges."

Of course, Gaara would have no idea what he was talking about. And saying that out loud proved he was still a little loopy. But he knew Kankuro would understand. He squeezed Kankuro's hand.

Kankuro filled Gaara in quickly.

Gaara frowned. "I see." He was outraged. "I understand why you were concerned and felt compelled to follow orders. However, your orders were unreasonable and outrageous. I'm glad you reported this to me, Baki. I will have to take action on it immediately."

Baki nodded. "I'll have to confront him, I suppose."

With Kankuro and Gaara reacting this way, there would be a court martial.

"It might be best for you if you do," Gaara agreed. "Although either way, he'll be held accountable to me."

"Best for me?" Baki asked, confused.

"You might get the most peace if you confront him yourself first," Gaara explained.

"Well, I..." It was true his thoughts had immediately run to confronting Tama with Kankuro as support.

Baki had to stop and think about it. "What if...What if he doesn't care, though? And he probably won't." He realized after he said it that was a childish question.

Gaara shrugged faintly. "Does it matter if he cares? You can't control his feelings. You can't make him react in a responsible or clear-headed way. You're not to blame if he flies apart or is apathetic. All you are doing is stating truth to him. You are telling him the facts-the facts about yourself and how he hurt you. You are doing this for yourself, for your own peace of mind." He gazed at Baki. "How he pays for what he has done is my responsibility and is a different matter. But not even I can make him care. I can only punish him for not caring."

"Is there value in stating my feelings, even if no one cares?" Baki murmured. That would be a revolutionary idea to him.

Gaara tilted his head. "Yes. It's the art of self-defense. Even if you make no impact, you have drained the poison of the pain out of yourself. If you don't drain it, you ache and sting inside from the poison." He paused. "For strangers and small offenses, it would not be necessary. But this is a serious offense. When you're close to someone, or when the offense is great, speaking can be healing. Even if the person fails to react, at least you spoke your mind. You can let it go then."

Baki looked at Gaara with wide eyes, taking this in. He looked to Kankuro. "You want to confront Tama with me?"

"Certainly I do." Kankuro was happy to.

Baki nodded, feeling reassured. He squeezed Kankuro's hand. "Then let's do it."

"Let's do it," Kankuro agreed.

"How do we do it?" Baki looked to Gaara. "How do we get him to come? Can you...Do you think you can...Is it okay if you order him here? I mean...It's not like I know where he lives."

He was suddenly nervous all over again. "Is that even okay? To get you to order him here so I can do this whatever it is I'm supposed to do so that I can feel peace?"

Gaara raised one hairless brow. "You are being given a chance to set him straight. I feel that is only fair. I will summon him here." He did so, sending out an aide.

Baki cleared his throat, embarrassed. "Okay." He looked to Kankuro again, smiling ruefully. He had the urge to physically hide behind Kankuro. "Now I feel like a kid who's tattling."

"That is false logic," Gaara said simply. "Everyone hates a tattle-tale, they say. But then they complain as adults when evildoers go uncaught and unpunished. If you have nothing to hide and if you value justice, then you should love the truth and not stand in its way. A tattle-tale is only a problem when they report things that are not wrong or misinformation. You have done neither."

Baki smiled and blushed slightly. "Okay."

He relaxed again and tried to think of what was on the top of his mind. What was the most important to say? He wanted to boil it down, not go off on a rambling explanation.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

* * *

By the time Tama arrived and bowed before the Kazekage, giving the usual respectful greeting to Gaara, Baki was ready.

Tama straightened, glancing at Baki and Kankuro. He was unremarkable looking. About 5'11'', muscular but not bulky, light brown skin, short black hair, dark eyes. His features were handsome in an ordinary, symmetrical way, his teeth were straight. Dressed as he was in a dull slate and sand colored uniform, he blended right in with the rest of the Suna shinobi.

Baki hated him.

Over the course of the last twenty-four hours, Baki realized he had come to not want anything to do with this person. He didn't want to see Tama, hear Tama, sense Tama...he didn't want Tama or anything about the man to touch him.

Baki clenched his jaw and looked to Gaara, waiting for Gaara to explain why Tama was here.

Gaara crossed his arms. "I have become aware of a breach of conduct. You are here to face the charge."

Kankuro was silent, but his presence weighed heavily on the room.

"What?" Tama looked disconcerted. "What breach of conduct? I'm here? Me? _I'm_ the one with a breach of conduct? Kazekage-sama, I swear to you I know nothing."

He looked at Kankuro uneasily. Baki knew that Kankuro was putting off some very unsettling energy.

"Baki," Gaara said. "Please explain."

Tama turned to face Baki. Baki could see it dawn on Tama's face that whatever he'd been summoned for had to do with the last mission he'd been with Baki on.

Baki cleared his throat quietly and gathered all his courage. "I'm gay."

Tama took a step back. "What? What is this?"

Baki didn't move. "You insulted me."

Tama looked to Gaara, and at Gaara's expression, looked back to Baki.

Baki was going layer by layer, one at a time. "You ordered me...to have sex with prostitutes...to pursue a missing nin."

"I -"

"You neither cared nor paid attention to my objections," Baki said. "Though I am a jonin too. You used your rank and authority over me to ignore: A) I don't have sex with prostitutes. I don't allow anyone to touch me unless it is morally righteous. B) I am not straight, and cannot stand for a woman to touch me."

"It's a job," Tama retorted, breathing sharply in a way that revealed his anger.

"By which you made Baki prostitute himself," Kankuro said sharply. "And prostitution is illegal in Suna."

"I did not-" Tama looked at Kankuro and then cast Baki a contemptuous glance. "-make Baki 'prostitute' himself. An act of prostitution is collecting money for performing sexual deeds. He _paid_ money in the course of a job to find a man who is said to frequent the locations -"

"You made me do sexual things with people when I was being paid on the job to find the missing nin!" Baki snapped.

"So what?" Tama said. "The job of finding Isago isn't prostitution. That's what you were being paid for. The sex was free."

Baki wanted to throw up. He felt hot and prickly.

"You are missing the point," Gaara said flatly. "You are dodging the real issue: Baki has already stated his position on sex. Whether the sex is free or paid is therefore beside the point. You asked him to violate his own body for a job. No one has the authority to do that. Not even me."

Tama turned towards Gaara, his expression flat and disbelieving at the position he was in. He bowed to Gaara deeply. "My apologies. Kazekage-sama, I did not think of my orders in that light, and I certainly did not think them through in such a manner that a courtroom lawyer or a philosopher would be satisfied with them. I merely thought the most direct approach to finding Isago was the simplest."

Baki squeezed Kankuro's hand tightly.

"Then clearly you are not cut out to be a team leader," Gaara said just as flatly. "Being a leader is a sacred position. You are charged not only with your team's physical well-being and the act of getting the mission completed. You are charged with their emotional well-being as well. To lead is not to narrowly make sure A gets done for B. To lead is to have a broad vision in which those under you are kept in top condition. You have damaged Baki physically and emotionally. You have also asked Baki to forge false spiritual connections to others, for this is what sex is: a spiritual connection made through two bodies. You have therefore also caused spiritual damage. This is not what a good leader would do. Even if you are not prosecuted, I will ensure you do not lead a team again."

Tama lifted his head, his expression bitter. "Nor do I wish to. If those are the responsibilities, I forego that."

"It is well you understand," Gaara said. "To be a leader is to accept all the responsibilities with it. It is unfortunate that you did not understand before. Much damage could have been avoided. However, your lack of understanding does not cancel out Baki's very real pain, nor does it excuse an order to have sex. There will be a court martial."

Tama straightened abruptly. His eyes glittered with outrage. However, he didn't argue.

Baki felt enormously threatened, and did feel himself edging behind Kankuro little by little.

Kankuro stepped out in front of him.

Baki felt a rush of relief, followed by pounding anxiety. He realized slowly the pounding was actually his heart, and he didn't want Kankuro to be hurt or killed. His mouth went dry.

"I understand," Tama said softly, in a tightly controlled voice. He bowed again. "Your will is law, Kazekage-sama."

Gaara summoned one of his guards, to whom he gave the order to have Tama processed.

Tama's chakra vibrated and flamed with outrage, but he didn't struggle. He stiffly allowed himself to be handcuffed and taken away.

Baki wanted to cry. He was shaky with the level of fear he experienced. As soon as Tama was out of the room, he wrapped his arms around Kankuro and clung, wanting to feel safe.

Kankuro hugged him very closely. "It's okay," he whispered.

Gaara walked around the desk and hugged Baki as well.

"I don't want him to hurt me again," Baki blurted, and as soon as he did, he started to cry. "Not again. I don't want to be hurt again." He was alarmed to hear himself.

Tama's angry chakra intensely washing over him triggered off a series of split-second flashbacks, confusing him and stealing all of his confidence.

Kankuro and Gaara both hugged him tightly. "We'll protect you," Kankuro said.

"We won't let him hurt you," Gaara added.

Baki relaxed enough for the room to come into focus. It had turned into a white blur. He hugged them both back. "I want you to. I want you to. I just - Don't want to be hurt again." He wasn't sure that was what he'd intended to say. He took a deep breath. "Someone did. Someone hurt me. I don't -" He stopped, analyzing himself. "I don't think it was Tama. I don't think...but I mean, Tama did hurt me. He just wasn't..."

Baki tried to face the flashbacks he'd gotten. "Someone hurt me on the inside. For real. I mean, physically did. I think..." He hesitated, realizing how horrible it sounded. "I just - Saw. When Tama...got so angry at me...I saw...things. In my head. That I think...are...might be memories." He looked at Kankuro and Gaara pleadingly, hoping they wouldn't shut him up. It was an unfair fear to have, but he was afraid.

Kankuro and Gaara exchanged worried looks. "Memories of what?" Kankuro ventured.

Baki tried to calm down and took a deep breath. "Someone...I think someone...a man..." That would be obvious if they could see what he had. He took another deep breath. "Stuck his...and I...feel fear...and pain...and I...it..." He shuddered. "It feels...I feel...so..." He looked to Kankuro. "Like I felt, when I told you the story. How Isago...how Tama ordered me to look for Isago in...in those places, and act like..." He shook his head. "I feel the same way. Like it's..." He didn't have words for it.

Kankuro returned to his first comment. "You were violated."

Baki nodded, wide-eyed. He felt relief at Kankuro supplying the word for his feeling. He wished he could say it himself, but it wouldn't come. It felt stuck.

Gaara jerked faintly, then felt deeply disturbed.

Kankuro had been told he had a similar blocked memory, and he knew he'd been sexually assaulted. All he felt was empathy.

Baki clung to them. "What do I do?" He didn't know what he was asking for.

He couldn't even begin to wrap his mind around what he needed to do.

"Try starting by telling us what you are afraid of . . . now," Kankuro suggested.

"Being undressed and touched," Baki said immediately. He was stunned that he'd responded this way. He hadn't been thinking that consciously.

Kankuro nodded.

Gaara chewed on that, nodding as well.

"Why?" Kankuro prompted.

"I don't want to be touched," Baki said. He had a sudden mental image of being exposed, of hands. "Hands hurt." He felt distressed to the point of his lips doing numb. He couldn't believe he was saying these things. "I don't want to hurt. I don't want to hurt."

Kankuro thought for a moment. "I think the lie is that hands always hurt and touch is always painful."

Baki started crying. "I can't handle it. I can't handle it. They touched me and they took off my -" He gestured first before being able to say it. "-shirt. They took their hands and..." He gestured again, swallowing a lump in his throat. "Massaged me. But they meant it sexually." He gave Kankuro a pleading look. He felt a crushing amount of shame. "They touched me all over and they...and I had to flirt..."

He felt hot and prickly all over again. "And I had to just ignore...how I felt...and...just..." He shook his head.

"And a second lie may be that no one will care if you're hurt," Gaara pointed out. "But we care that you hurt. We care that you're hurting right now."

Kankuro nodded. "We're going to make sure Tama is punished for putting you in that situation."

Baki burst out crying loudly. He clung to them. "I hurt...and no one stopped him. No one stopped him from hurting me when I got hurt by him. No one stopped him and said I was okay. So I'm not okay."

They both hugged him tightly. Gaara even encircled them with his sand.

"I will have him court-martialled," Gaara said.

"And you will be okay," Kankuro added, rubbing his back.

"I will?" Baki took in this news desperately. "How? How will I be okay if I can't prove-" He stopped. He had no idea what he was talking about.

He tried to pick up the thread. "That - That I...didn't do it..."

He stopped again, confused and worried.

"Deserve it?" Kankuro guessed.

Baki slowly brought his gaze back to Kankuro's face. Everything was crisp and out of focus at the same time. Like a photograph shoved in his face.

He had to concentrate to read Kankuro's expression. "I..." He realized he'd gone numb. He nodded. "I guess so."

"A lot of people fall into that trap," Kankuro said gently. "They can't understand how someone else could be that randomly evil, so they assume they must have done something to bring it on themselves."

"Self-blame," Gaara murmured.

Baki squinted, tears leaking down his cheeks. "Uh-huh." He felt relieved and miserable at the same time.

"But here is a basic fact," Kankuro said. "The truth is no one can ever do anything to make themselves deserve to be raped. It's not possible. Rape is a physical, emotional, and spiritual trauma, so even a rapist cannot deserve to be raped. Only executed."

While Kankuro's words allowed him to let go of a part of it, that wasn't all that Baki needed. "But bad boys get punished by spankings if they can't prove they don't deserve it." He could hear his mom saying: Tell me why. Tell me why you don't deserve it. Tell me why and I might not punish you. It depends on what you did.

His stomach quivered unpleasantly, making him feel watery.

"A spanking is not a punishment," Kankuro said. "A spanking is abuse. No one deserves abuse. Also, a rape is not a punishment. A rape is abuse. You have crossed two separate concepts in your mind: abuse and punishment. And even (real) punishment is not always the answer to a misdeed. A parent should use discernment."

Baki said nervously, "But if I don't tell her why..." And realized they couldn't read his mind. "My mother would - she used to spank me. Unless I could convince her not to. And if I could tell her why - why not - why not to spank me - she wouldn't. But if I couldn't come up with an answer, she would. And sometimes she would laugh and say my answer wasn't much of an answer, and I still deserved it, but she was going to go easy on me."

"That's broken," Kankuro said.

Gaara shook his head. "It is not a child's responsibility to be their own defense lawyer. A parent should research what has happened on her own, use her intelligence and discern after gathering the facts, and then decide if a punishment is in order. This includes asking the child for his story. It does not include having the child beg during his sentencing."

Baki was confused and hurting. "But I have to, or else -" He stopped. He assessed the conversation and hung his head. "I'm stuck in a cycle," he said quietly.

"She was essentially saying, 'Prove to me why I shouldn't abuse you,'" Kankuro said. "That is null and avoid. The answer is: 'You should never abuse me, ever. Abuse is evil and wrong.'"

Gaara nodded. "Your innocence or guilt is irrelevant. She baited you on the presupposition that abuse is acceptable."

Baki was mind-blown by that concept. "She...why?"

Kankuro sighed. "I have no idea. Parents of her generation thought it was good to beat their kids." He shrugged. "But her logic is much more broken than that. The most she could have said would be 'Prove to me you're innocent,' but even that is putting her responsibility onto you. To say, 'Prove to me that you don't deserve this beating' is batshit insane."

Baki smiled tremulously. "Uh, yeah." He hurt all over.

"Your mother and your rapist have gotten confounded in your mind," Kankuro added. "You think you should have proven to him why you didn't deserve to be raped. There is no proof for that; the question is null and void."

Baki jerked, startled, and felt a bubble of panic and confusion burst. "Oh my god."

He felt tears running down his cheeks. "Because all grownups are parents, and all parents work the same way, and he was a grownup, and I was child, so I had to argue for him to stop, and I didn't have a reason, so I -" He wanted to throw up. "It's all lies. All of it." He stared at Kankuro and Gaara.

Gaara nodded. "All of it."

"I don't have to worry about that," Baki said. "It - all of it - doesn't make any sense."

"Exactly!" Kankuro was overjoyed.

Baki cried and hugged on them both. He felt like he'd been trampled, but he didn't feel the way he did before.

Kankuro and Gaara rocked him back and forth gently, hugging him.

Baki basked in the snuggles. "Can I go home with you guys? Like, permanently?"

"Hell yeah!" Kankuro said.

"Of course you can," Gaara said more quietly. "We'd be honored and pleased."

He hugged them both fiercely. "You're the best, guys." He took a deep breath. "I feel like a million times better."

He smirked. "I guess I gotta thank that asshole Tama for popping this whole thing up to the surface. Not that I'll ever let him know that."

"Uh, yeah." Kankuro kissed his cheek.

"You're welcome," Gaara said. To the implied thanks.

Baki kissed Kankuro on the lips gently. Then he turned his head and kissed Gaara's forehead.

Kankuro blushed happily.

Gaara smiled.

Baki looked to Kankuro. "Can we...you know...go out? Because I feel like it should be official. We should be a thing."

Kankuro kissed him back. "Yes. I thought you'd never ask." He grinned.

Baki grinned and blushed. He felt warm inside. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

Gaara smiled, happy they were finally together.


End file.
